Growing pains

It's seems odd, having the reality of "you never really know anyone" sink in
especially twice in one month's time; selfishness rules the current world


I wake up numb to its existence, fighting off the memories once dear
then a picture surfaces or a common connection re surges and I fall prey


I have often prided myself on being kind, but I learned its failure hard
Spoken secrets have an enemy and I find myself watching my back religiously


Where is the message? --- pins are knocked down, but my triumphs are kept in the dark
There's no one in the audience and I falter, for my rehearsed words have no meaning


Empty and unhealthy relationships have returned to assist me off the wagon
I see myself losing sight of sincere matters and those most devoted to my soul


Although not an answer, this much I know -- there will always be growing pains
age does not constitute its position, the feelings are the same, but taken in differently


It is painful regardless, but I almost crave the reaction of a child's versus my own
they are most resilient, while feeling invincible; it's harder to forgive as we grow up


I see the challenges of being a sole adventurer, that is possibly priceless at its best
to build endurance and chase after dreams and watch the world through my own eyes


I have questioned the prediction of fateful turns, if I had known, would it change things?
that's when uninvited emotions come to haunt me, I fight back to regain survival


Will I trust less, care less, desire less?  Will friendship represent regretful decisions?
It can't be so, timing represents everything, we become who we are through such experiences


So I will take these lessons and apply them to my life, through this journey of who I am
I was an impact once and although I am not present in yours, these impacts are forever embedded

Wine Thoughts, Fine Vines, Small Production

Now this blog was mainly conceived based on the desire to start writing again, but I still felt the need to say a little something about the following wines I tried.  I did not spend as much time as I so desired, but I wanted to tell you about three winemakers/proprietors that I spoke and tasted with yesterday at the Fine Vines Small Production wine tasting that really blew me away.

Cold Heaven Cellars Buellton, California

Viognier, Santa Ynez Valley 2009 - the sexiest of their three Viogniers.  It had a supple texture and contained notes of peeled stone fruits and almond skin.  It was smoky with a great mid-palate and balanced structure.  I was very impressed, nonetheless, it was Viognier from California.

Viognier, Le Bon Climat Vineyard 2009 - my favorite.  Terrior driven, Condrieu esque, had great acidity and meyer lemon pulp bursting predominantly on the finish that kept on going.  It was really juicy and very food friendly.  Wish I had a bottle right now.

Pinot Noir, Makepeace 2009 - harmonious.  Ripe red and black fruits, brown spice, muted floral notes, and strong acid structure.  I can drink this Pinot all the time.  Especially with a good meal.  Yum.  Definitely one of my new favorite Pinot Noir producers in the Central Coast.

Ceja Vineyards  Napa Carneros, California

Vino de Casa White, Napa 2008 - a blend of Pinot Grigio, Chardonnay, Marsanne, Roussanne, and a splash of Viognier.  It was floral and racy with yellow citrus and apple notes.  It had a finish that was constantly changing.  That's when the complexity came through.

Chardonnay, Napa Carneros 2008 - I don't like Chardonnay, normally.  There I said it.  I, however, really liked this Chardonnay.  Well balanced, fleshy mouthfeel, and juicy apple acid on the finish.

Pinot Noir, Carneros 2007 - sexy and divine.  Ripe cherry fruits, smoky, balanced and a lot going on the palate.  This is a wine that you can cellar for a few more years.

Shinn Estate Vineyards Mattituck, New York

Sauvignon Blanc, First Fruit, North Fork of Long Island 2010 - whenever Sauvignon Blanc can impart a floral character then I'm hooked.  Gooseberry fruits on the nose, but the palate was different.  The flavors kept changing and I liked it.  Wines from the east coast still intrigue me.

Merlot Estate, North Fork of Long Island 2008 - another floral wine.  This time it was the combination of purple flowers, chocolate and black plums that swooned me.

Coalescence (White Blend), North Fork of Long Island 2010 - a blend of Merlot, Pinot Noir, Sauvignon Blanc and Chardonnay.  The red grapes are pressed immediately after being picked and then cold fermented with the white grapes.  It is a white wine with a pink hue and it's pretty to look at.  A really fresh wine that would be great with food.  Let's just say, "me like".

"What is Life"

What is life if you can't be free to love

to let go

to give freely, wholeheartedly

to understand without having to ask

to see things clearly

to make others happy without having to try so hard

to be natural in our actions

to seek our dreams

because everyday is an adventure

to work at something you love

but not for fame and fortune

to savor every moment

to trust in yourself because only you know what's best

to revisit memories because they're the best gifts of the past

to learn something new everyday

to listen to others because everyone has something worth listening to

to laugh

to dance

to sing

to paint

to cook something from scratch

to drink your best bottle of wine

to fulfill cravings whether it be food or desires

to get to know someone all over again

to kiss those we love, everyday

to give hugs

to cry for no reason because it feels good

to cherish life

it's not easy, but no one ever said it would be

just do it

let go

live

and smile

A server's day

Some people are born servers, yet they just don’t really care. They have this savvy way about them, they usually win their customers over, but they can never follow through. They are very good, but for some crazy reason - they can’t give you 100 percent. Then there are those who try really hard, but they’re just not cut out for it. They study the menu more, they come in early to study the specials and to become faster in areas where they lack speed. They never learn that’s it’s all about timing and being in total control. Lastly, there are those who, for some unbeknown reason, are scoring the covers and milking the cows because they make the most amount of money for being a simple server with the fake personality. Maybe at one time they did really care, but once they saw the money the quality of service didn’t mean as much anymore. They take advantage of their back waiter, the one that actually makes it happen for them and the one who takes home the least of the tips.

We all make money to survive, but serving is more than that. It’s about that connection you have when you deliver the ultimate service experience. It’s about timing, sincerity and making your guest feel like a king or queen. The glory lies in the happiness you bestow on your guest. That’s why it comes from the heart.

This is a server’s day.

01/31/2010

Digging for yellow

“You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.”

I heard the song on the radio the other day and I thought, “how ironic.” I used to love this song because I thought it held so much meaning, yet was so simply well put. Then yesterday I was speaking to a wise friend and she made me realize that we do get what we want in life. It is through the sacrifices we make to achieve our goals that make life so challenging, trying, yet very rewarding. Our characters, who we are, are shaped by these opportunities, privileges, and struggles. How we approach the situation, how we handle our props, and how we make sense and best use of our tangible means. In the end, it all comes back to you - what you make of your day.

Today, the chips weren’t falling in my favor, but then the sun came out and it made me feel great. I won’t let the uncontrollable circumstances control my fate, I can put it in the background and no one has to know it exists. In my world, it doesn’t have to. That is the beauty of getting what you want in life. Believing that something yellow is hiding behind something gray and you just have to dig in to find it.

02/04/2010

Chameleon

Always changing
Sometimes low and sometimes high
Sometimes just trying to get by
I’m a mother and a wife
But sometimes I question the duty of this life
On school grounds, I fumble with conversation
That follows the flow of food and sanitation
Scouting the playground for signs of misconduct
I find the ones that will lure my offspring
At home there’s daily homework, then off to work
Where I serve the general public, serving culture
How diverse is the city of two seasons, winter and spending tax dollars

Life is about adaptation
Whether you are working or lurking in the dark
Changing your uniform for your next role
An actor whose script is constant improvisation
Separate identities, how often I ad-lib
Should I or should I not
This one talks or doesn’t care for me
So I lash out – fuck you
You can’t run me out, I am merely a chameleon changing hats

03/27/2010

this is heartache

when your favorite place is closed
and no one knows how you feel
you've left imprints in fallen rain
and you still wind up the same
choosing and dealing is what life is about
take it slow, don't look back, then shout
here's another - conflicting emotions
not on the same page yet feeling audacious
should have thought twice before I knew
another hand pulls the yellow door
my fingerprints no longer lay on its handle
respect lost in translation, minus the scandal
the once good friend... what was her name?
played the take the best out of best friend game
coming and going, drama or pleasure
not my kind of game or treasure
the one of a kind I knew died young
i never had a chance to text her or say goodbye
speaking of… this is the hardest
losing someone who is dear, and unexpectedly
and you race with your mind to remember
the last time you spent together, what was said
then you recall it, and replay it over again
and it seems very real, tis true
and winter - enough said...
your snow flakes fall sporadically on my head
oh heartache why do you spring upon us?
i am summer year round, i cannot frown
let sunshine reflect on the true souls
the ones who really know who they are
and maybe then the heartache will vanish
and no one will ever know as they do not know now
what trouble lies among us
the ones that stay inside our hearts

this which is heartache

05/31/2010