Thursday, October 27, 2011

Breaking up with me

It sounds silly, but it really isn't.  We all, at one time, have to admit, we put more on our shoulders than we should.  We take on more tasks, make more promises and commit to more than we are physically and emotionally able to - and it's our own fault.  That is why I decided to end the relationship with the side of me that didn't know how to say "no".

I'm done with the sacrifices or the going out of my way for friends that do not return the same sentiment.  It's just not gonna happen anymore.  I majored in Sociology and I truly get the effects of recession, but it's gone past the point of repair.  We have been suffering trials and challenges unlike any we've had before, and it's been happening for over a solid three years.  As a result, we are in an age when it is imperative that we make careful decisions.  But what has occurred and continues to is the acceptability of selfishness more than I have ever encountered and frankly, it saddens me.

I lost my best friend this summer over a child disciplinary matter.  It's dumb, but I chose to stand my ground as I believed she attempted to bully me into giving up who I really am.  I don't have to answer to her or anyone else for that matter.  What I do believe in, is respect and kindness.  These values don't come easy anymore and as a result, I struggle with instilling this into my children everyday.  There was a random act of kindness the other day that my daughter brought to my attention.  She said, "Mom, that was so nice of that lady."  The tone in her voice indicated that things like this don't happen often.  It made me sad to think I am raising two kids that are more used to rude occurrences than politeness.

That's why I am letting go of that person inside who doesn't want to get hurt or disappointed anymore.  I understand everyone is busy, but so am I and if I take the time to show I care then I do.  If you don't feel the same then it's time to go our separate ways.

I tweeted yesterday that thanks to a particular someone, I am getting myself back.  I am referring to the fact that I continually remind myself, that regardless of the outcome - there are always powerful messages to be learned.  This is a stepping stone for me.  I am becoming stronger, I am learning who to trust and how to trust others.  I am learning to not be afraid and that it's okay to have fears sometimes.  Everyone we meet represents something in our life that slowly envelops into who we are and what we're all about.

For the record, I do miss my best friend sometimes.  We had a lot in common and it was hard to let go of our obvious connections.  I wish her well always, but sometimes life means letting go.  It feels good to let go and it is a necessary part of our lives.  So I bid farewell to her, to my "can't say no" side and the old me - who's learning everyday what means the most and how to let those things and people know how much.

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