when in Paris

I've never been to Paris.  And at the rate I'm going in my life, I most likely never will.  At this point, all I could do is dream and wonder what it'd be like or live through the experiences of others that have been.

The reason this post came about is because two nights ago I dreamt I was living in Paris and it felt so real I had convinced my waking self that I had actually been there.  I remember looking straight up the Eiffel tower and being swooned by its majesty, how grand it stood. I remember the cozy Parisian home I lived in and the roommates that came and went.  I remember feeling free and lost in life and not a thing bothered my soul.  I was content. And for an hour after waking from my wonderful dream, I had sighed in its wonder:  the wonder of Paris.

Two days later and I'm back in the land of reality.  And if there's anything I have taken from my dream experience are two things:  a) I can choose to make my dreams wherever I reside and b) I should lose myself to life in all that surrounds me.  Truth is, I have a lot to be thankful for, but we as humans are always reaching for beyond, for more.

It's like life is a drug and once we become immune to one aspect of it, we look for another piece to impart us a new high.

And not that reaching for bigger and better things isn't a good thing, it's the selfish trance that we fall under that makes us lose the bigger picture, or smaller at that.  For me, it's my kids.  I never imagined being a mother, but fate chose that route for me and I truly believe in doing so, it brought about the most unimaginable gift I have ever known:  unconditional love.

So I may never go to Paris and that's ok.  I will survive.  That's kinda been my motto since my early college years.  I will still have dreams, both asleep and awake.  I will still remember standing next to the Eiffel tower and feeling small, yet alive.  In the grand scheme of things, it's kinda a metaphor for the true meaning of life.  It doesn't matter how small we may feel next to this large world we live in, it only means we have a better view. It's just up to us how we choose to view it.

Take it all in.  Enjoy the whole view.

Look up and be in awe.

My motto in college.  Personalized license plate.

greener grass

I won't deny it, I miss smoking weed, but not enough to partake in the consuming habit it once was.  With a temper on my side, it soothed my mind, helped release tension, and made me write like a rock star.

writer's block

We all need inspiration.  Anyone who denies its need is lying to his/herself.  Inspiration can represent anything, but it's a priceless concoction that moves the soul along.  It may be aiming to fit in a new swim suit after working out for six weeks, a promotion that comes with a raise after that long worked on project has been completed, or a vacation in the future that's way overdue, compliments of your tax return.  As humans, when we know that a pot of gold awaits us at the end of the tunnel, we use that sight down the road to push, ignite and inspire us to work towards "point B."  In my case, inspiration gives me ammunition to write stories that I hope in turn will inspire thought.

the grass isn't always greener on the other side

I know this lesson better than anyone.  I am living through it now.  It amazes me how often I fall flat on my face because I think one change will make a dramatic impact.  "Say it isn't so?"  I bite my lip in hopes it is a bad dream that brought me to my current steps.  Yet it isn't a bad dream, but the realization that writer's block has taken me hostage and truth be told, I've been missing inspiration as a part of my day-to-day.

I have been pondering this for a few days now and my latest dream from last night's slumber brought about an obvious answer.  It doesn't require climbing the gate to get to the other side.  We make our successes by our actions, driven and focused as we project them. This is anyone's ammunition...drive...fire that gets us going.

When we're hungry, we eat.  When we're tired, we sleep.  These are examples of how our energy is fueled.  So I ask you this?  How do you acquire greener grass?  Bingo, you water it.

Find your motivation.  It's out there - sometimes you have to dig for it, but it's there. It's an essential part of how we grow as a person and knowing when you have succeeded makes it all the more glorious.

So what's my current inspiration?  To make everything I touch better.  To treat others nicely.  To smile and laugh every day because it's a "sure cure" that always makes us feel alive.  More amazing than this, it's contagious and if everyone's doing it then inspiration will grow abundantly.

a million pieces

It's funny how when you least suspect it, something in your life happens and you turn around and your past is gone.  When moving forward takes you a few steps further than you're ready for.  When you hear from an old friend who reminds you of something you believed in a long time ago.  When another friend shares some news and it's unexpected.  When a colleague turns evil and you're told to just go with it.

A million pieces.

That was last month.  I can't deny having racked my brain trying to digest it all.  I'm not looking into the glass, I'm inside.  My astrological sign defines me as one who dissects everything I come into contact with because I am constantly struggling with making sense of the world that revolves around me.  I see math problems minus their answers.

I'm over the drama of the industry I work in.  It's life and it's at a cost, so let mine be mine and yours be yours.  We don't need to advertise complications.  I admit that growing up in a Christian home sheltered me from the things I know today, but I wouldn't trade those lessons for anything.  It is within those lessons that I bore a heart - something most people struggle with displaying.  We spend so much time running around, attending meetings, keeping appointments, meeting deadlines, blowing people off because there is never enough time.

Where did all the time go?

For once, I'd like to have a "frankly darling, I don't give a damn" moment and be perfectly cool with it.  So I'm throwing in the towel this month.  Trying my hand in a different view of life.  Maybe instead of incomplete numbers, I should be seeing life as music notes flowing along the day, each tune changing with the scene it brings about.

And I shall write more as I envision these musical notes.  Writing has always been therapeutic for me; it's cheap, goes by my schedule, and enables me to practice writing big words.  This reminds me of the moral of a movie my brother gave me many Christmases ago.  About a girl who merely cared about doing good and never thinking about herself in the interim or getting lost in the drama.  Goodness always rewards itself with goodness - you could never fail in this process.

So there you have it.  Moving forward, my million pieces will represent goodness and music sheets.  It'll play these tunes as the day moves along.  You'll hear the song on the radio that will represent whatever your heart desires at that very moment.  And happiness will soar abound.

And suddenly your heart will feel complete as the song as you make it.

All you have to do is listen and let go.

View life as a music sheet, changing with each scene

Swooned by bacon

Oscar Meyer won me as a child with its cured meat

every Saturday, without fail, I’d devour the treat

Thankful to my dear mother who never cut me off

four perfect strips, crispy edges and center soft

Then I grew and I knew, it would never leave

the love had grown into layers of fat BLTs

Four times two would do, joined by tomato slice

a club of toast, mayo, and lettuce means repeat twice

Well hello, I said to pork belly, its grand name

you’ve grown into this decadent thick cut of game

Who kept you from me, I’ll cut his arm and dispose

honorable fat, slutty meat pieces, goodness composed

Oh bacon how you carried me through heartache and clout

comfort food was named after you, of this there’s no doubt

Forever faithful I’ll be as I bow down on my knees

no food in the world more adorned, never ceases to please

Where there is harmony, people share a common love and wish

every chef lives his childhood through his showcased dish

Bacon Fest Chicago, an example, unlike no other

bringing all together in peace, bacon sisters and brothers

Note:  this was my submission to the Bacon Fest Poetry Contest 2013.  I did not make the semi-final cut, but I'm proud of my own regardless.

Sexy meat turned into...

Sizzling slices...I can smell it now

Who doesn't love this guy?

16 wines, 16 minutes

Last Tuesday was just one of them days.  I arrived at the Union Station about 11:45 a.m. for Gambero Rosso's 2013 Tre Bicchieri tasting and found myself the first in line.  Long story short, I realized it didn't start until 2 p.m. which limited my available time frame.  I became determined.  That is how I ended up trying 16 wines in 16 minutes.

That's power tasting.  Obviously I couldn't take notes but having worked in a Italian restaurant that boasted over 650 wines in two and a half years - all my memories of tasting Italian wines came right back to me.

MARCHE
Gioacchino Garofoli Verdicchio dei Castelli di Jesi Classico Superiore Podium 2010

• Garofoli is the oldest winery in Marche and one I have never tried.  I adore Verdicchio and it hails so deservingly here in this region.  Fresh fruit flavors with an elegant body content, this racy wine is the perfect answer to any season of the year.  This wine can evolve and would make a great addition to any list regardless of its menu.

EMILIA ROMAGNA

Cleto Chiarli Lambrusco di Sorbara del Fondatore 2011

Cleto Chiarli Lambrusco Grasparossa di Castelvetro Vigneto Enrico Cialdini 2011

• Cleto Chiarli is one of my favorite Lambrusco producers.  They represent such great value with an overabundance of flavor.  There are three strands of Lambrusco and two of them are represented here.  The first one was all about its structure while the second one had me dreaming of its aromatics.  I'd happily take either one with me on a picnic where I could lay under the tree and feed myself prosciutto - even in my lonesome.

MARCHE

Velenosi Rosso Piceno Superiore Roggio del Filare 2008

• I was Italian in my past life, but Sangiovese is not my preferred poison.  However, when you blend it in a bottle with Montepulciano, it's as if I am reunited with an old friend.  I'm talking black berries - all of them, introducing themselves one at a time as the wine lingers on my tongue.  I love the wines of Rosso Piceno because they have the ability of being rustic and playful at the same time.

PIEMONTE

Massolino Barolo Vigna Rionda Riserva 2006

• It's not everyday I get the chance to drink Barolo.  In fact, it's been quite a while since I tasted one worth chatting about but having a taste of this one left me speechless.  I tried Massolino for the first time three years ago and was instantly hooked.  From the Serralunga d'Alba sub-region and made in a modern fashion, it's still one I fancy.  I'm all about the nose and the violets leaped so heavenly into my olfactory receptors that I was quite taken back.  Definitely worth aging - gotta get your hands on one for the cellar.  Actually, I should too.

TOSCANA

Tenuta dell'Ornellaia Masseto 2009

• One Wednesday night back in 2007, I was working the floor selling wine like it was nobody's business.  I was opening up stuff I'd never tasted - I was in my glory.  But nothing prepared me for the wine that would turn out to be my epiphany wine.  That wine was the 1994 Masseto.  It was still young for its time, but so amazingly delicious.  It might have been showing well because most Italian fans don't seem to agree with my viewpoint, but it changed me and I will never pass up a chance to try a new vintage.  Made with 100% Merlot grapes, I'm convinced if Miles were here, I think he'd agree it was pretty special.  And if he didn't, all the more for me.

VENETO

Villa Sandi Valdobbiadene Superiore di Cartizze Vigna La Rivetta 2011

• A great stand in, this Prosecco is fresh, with great effervescent and the bottle shape is unique.  Definitely a great product for its price.  After all we're talking bubbles and you could never go wrong there.

LOMBARDIA

Nino Negri Valtellina Sfursat 5 Stelle 2009

• Another new producer on my list of ones I've never tried, the Valtellina Sfursat is damn tasty.  Chiavennasca is the local name for Nebbiolo in Lombardia and Sfursat is a wine made with dried grapes that has been left out to dry naturally in its air for 100 days.  It's as if you could experience the breeze that surrounds its compound as it develops its flavors.  A wine worthy of aging, it's great with braised meals of all sorts.  Sounds comforting, doesn't it?  Well, take it from me - it really is.

SARDEGNA

Agricola Punica Barrua 2009

• That's right, I didn't try the Sassicaia.  I tend to not go for coveted wines, but rather the underdog - if you want to consider the Barrua the underdog because I really don't.  The Punica winery is a joint venture between Tenuta San Guido (Bolgheri, Toscana) and Cantina di Santadi (respectable cooperative in Sardegna).  Consisting of 85 % Carignano (Carignan of France, Cariñena of Spain), 10% Cabernet Sauvignon and 5% Merlot, this is a beautiful wine.  It has class, it has structure and it's terrior driven.  Have always loved the Barrua and it's a great offering to someone who wants boldness without breaking the bank.

LIGURIA

Cantine Lunae Bosoni Colli di Luni Vermentino Etichetta Nera 2011

Cantine Lunae Bosoni Colli di Luni Vermentino Cavagino 2011

• I tried the wines of Lunae at last year's Tre Bicchieri and was blown away, so I knew I didn't want to miss them this year.  The Etichetta Nera is fermented in stainless steel, while 40% of Cavagino is fermented in barriques.  While both wines are very different, they both possess outstanding aromatics, dignified structure and evolving originality in their own right.  I couldn't say I like one more than the other, but I will say this:  will a little bit of age these wines will grow up gracefully.  That's pretty impressive for whites coming from the lesser known region of Liguria.

SICILIA

Planeta Chardonnay 2010

• The Planeta winery possesses six estates, each representing their own territory.  I've never had a white wine from Planeta, let alone a Chardonnay, so when I saw they were featuring one at Tre Bicchieri, I knew I had to try it.  I am a sucker for Italian Chardonnays because they flourish so uniquely from other regions of the world.  In the south, on the island of Sicily, they are over ripe, delightful and voluptuous.  5o% of this wine sees new oak and it doesn't overbear.  The fruits are exotic, the body is textured and the structure is inviting.  You can drink this wine now or keep it for a few years.  However, I recommend if you could find this wine - give it a rest and wait for the future it holds.  I guarantee it will not disappoint.

ALTO ADIGE

Cantina Produttori Colterenzio Sauvignon Prail Praedium 2011

Cantina Produttori Colterenzio Chardonnay Altkirch 2011

• This is, hands down, my favorite region of all Italy.  Not just for its diversity, but also its intricate history and neighboring influences from Germany and Austria.  The Colterenzio is a cooperative that puts forth quality before quantity.  The first wine is a single vineyard offering that is like no other.  Consisting of exotic and citrus fruits, the aromatics on this wine is a cross of springtime and heaven if it ever existed.  The Chardonnay is a cross of tropical fruits and minerality, all stainless steel fermented, its complexity stems from time on its lees.  Both are outstanding representation of northern Italy's great white potential.

ALTO ADIGE

Cantina Tramin Gewürztraminer Nussbaumer 2011

• Traminer is the name for the original vine of what most people know as Gewürztraminer.  The prefix Gewürz meaning "perfumed" lends it credit to the grape's floral and spicy aromatics.  This wine is a perfect representation of the grape.  Its muscat personality combined with ample acidity has earned "three glasses" in the Gambero Rosso wine guide 21 times to date.  That's pretty impressive for a northern white most people don't ever have the chance to indulge in.

CALABRIA

Librandi Magno Megonio 2010

• Maybe you've had Gaglioppo, like Librandi's Duca San Felice Cirò Rosso Classico Superiore Riserva DOC bottling which I sold quite often in the past.  But not many have had the opportunity to try Magliocco.  I wouldn't even know how to quite describe the grape except to say it is most definitely at home to the region of Calabria.  Fermented in stainless steel, it spends just over a year in new French oak and it's stunning.  It's a power wine whose roots can be traced back to Roman times.  Picture this:  old world Malbec marries old world Merlot with ripe black fruits and melted Swiss chocolate.  I'm also thinking a great wine to pair with cheese.  Kinda of reminds me of the sexy high school chemistry teacher whose grey hair and mustache made all the girls swoon.  Wish I could remember his name...

There you have it.  My 16 wines in 16 minutes.  I'll leave you with a picture of my epiphany wine.  Till next time...

Born heartless

I haven't much time, but the need to write this outweighed the need to sleep and I feel the need to express my feelings at thought.

There was once a time, not too long ago, when I wished I was born heartless.  I pondered on how it would feel not to have a care in the world, to shrug off feelings like it was no one's business and to never know how true passion really felt.  This all came about because I realized I knew someone who was born this way and they actually made me think for five minutes my life would fair in my defense if I carried no emotion.

What was I thinking?

What is love without being hurt?  I rather feel pain than not.  I rather take chances, fall on my knees and struggle with unlimited feelings.  If I didn't know this then what would I be - inhuman?

These days I'm angry about lost chances and missed signals, but you know what - it is in all this craziness that I feel alive.  I feel that the person deep down inside feels this way because I care and because I'm not afraid to be expressive and act upon my emotions.

I feel sorry for the one who made me think for a mere five minutes that my life would be better if I acted as they did.  I know the truth lies in my artistic side - the one that allows me to speak through others, for others and share stories.  I love that I do this and even if my stories only touch one person and that person is me then I still accomplished what I set out to do.  I live for my emotions, I live through my emotions and I do these things because I never want to be heartless.

Maybe one day you'll see the million possibilities that exist from wearing your heart on your sleeve and maybe you never will, but as for me - I know passion supersedes me and sets me apart from lifeless bodies that will miss out on life simply because they choose to replace their heart with emptiness.

I prefer to keep my heart full, so just like my belly I feel content and the opportunities that exist for me to shuffle through my true emotions are priceless.

untitled

If there's one thing I've learned repeatedly is that you can't change people unless they want to change themselves.  You can't control the way they will act towards you and you cannot control the outcome of various decisions.  But you can control your own actions and that's just the beginning.

The biggest struggle I come up against daily is the "labeling game".  We all play it.  I am guilty of it myself and I've made a commitment to fight my unconscious inclination to do so.  The way I see it, it sucks being on the side of being labeled.  As a server, it's an addicting way of life.  As a sociology major, I am appalled to have realized that I did so often, but no more.  This nonsense and waste of energy stops now.

It's funny how a negative or absent reaction can change your perception of one person or a personal belief.  I have this thing about following up.  I worked in the corporate sector for a number of years and responding to emails and voice mails is a huge part of this field.  The reality is, you can apply this courtesy in any job or situation.  Quite honestly, nothing bugs me more than when I leave three messages for someone (personal or professional) and they fail to return my call.  My first reaction is disbelief, followed by anger.  Then it's up to me to decide to let it go.  You can't change these people and if they don't properly follow up then it's time to move on.  I could label you as I've done so in the past, but I choose instead to make more of an effort to ensure I always follow up.  It's called taking the negative and turning it into positive reinforcement.

So what is the moral of this blog post?  I'd given it the name "untitled" in honor of my stance from here on out to forgo my habit of labeling.  We are all set in our ways, maybe it has to do with how you fold your socks or how you hold your wine glass or how you respond to your server's greeting (in reference to the lady over the weekend who kept her eyes fixed on the menu the entire time I spoke to her).  For all I know she could have had a horrible week at work or felt intimated by the wine list which caused her and her companion to walk out.  Next time I'll make an extended effort to read such a guest and make the experience feel less pretentious.

I recently wrote a friend to tell her I wrote a blog post regarding a recent conversation we shared in mind.  It began as an inspiration and grew from there.  I was happy with its completion so I thought to share my joy with her.  I received no reply.  It left me stumped, but eventually I got over it.  I believe my post inspired or touched someone else, if not her.  We are owners of our time, moving forward you can decide how to delegate yours.  Don't dwell on past incidents when the present is much more valuable and invites new opportunities to grow.

Whatever is true and noble - think about such things.  If you fill your mind with positive thoughts, the need to label people or fret over uncontrollable situations will leave you.  Life's too short to think of such titles.  Look ahead, turn the corner and take a few steps...I feel confident when I say it will lead you to areas that attract the same mind sets and concerns.  You will find others that will respond and show interest in what you have to say.  Then suddenly this repeated lesson learned won't matter as much and you'll realize you've grown up.

We don't need a world of titles, we need a world that cares.  Make that change.  It'll bring on contagion - and in this day and age, we need it more now then ever.