What's your mantra?

I have a confession.  I have 11 mantras and they are as follows:

My gifts
YS
CH
Dead
STOP
Hope leads
Silence is power
3 30 rules
Day One
Aftermath
I'm a ballerina

Some are used more often than others.  They represent different needs in my life.  The acronyms are personal meanings that I hope will encourage me to reflect on my "keeping my soul in check".  Some, such as "Dead", are shorter versions of longer sentences.  I think you get the point.

But how did this all come about?

Last fall I began seeing a therapist.  I was experiencing an extremely difficult year and I needed to release my frustrations.  It's been incredibly helpful thus far.  I have been inspired to dig into my soul, make self discoveries, and recall childhood memories.  Shortly after the visits began, I discovered other things that needed my attention in my life and the timing of everything slowly came together.

One of the things my therapist suggested for me was to come up with a mantra.  One that would inspire me to trade my negative mindsets in for positive ones.  It could be my own form of expression and I should repeat it to myself when the need for its creation arose.

As time went on, I realized I couldn't just have one.  There's one for when I feel my anger start to boil and one for when I forget my accomplishments - they are different pains that require different remedies, i.e. unique mantras.  In fact, just the other day, I used "Silence is power" for the first time and I was amazed at how calm I remained while the storm took its course.

Once it passed, it felt good to know I endured the situation.  I didn't let my emotions get the best of me and that's the beginning of building strong habits that enforce me to stay focused on taking care of me.

The best part about having mantras, is it's free and unique to each and every one who so desires to reap its healing properties.

It brings me to a quote a good manager once told me, "Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of intelligence".  I used to think that if I needed to see a therapist that meant I was crazy or incapable of keeping my emotions in check.  But we're all human and it's o.k. to care a little more about your feelings; if I need exercises that will keep my soul aligned then I am not ashamed to admit it.

So go ahead, create your own mantra.  It doesn't have to be poetic or rocket science.  Use an acronym if you want no one to know what it means, but do yourself a favor and create one for your soul bank.  Trust me, it'll thank you and you may end up with just as many as me.

untold story

Thus far, 2014 has been quite a life-changing year.  To start, I made big plans.  Set goals in motion, took on another opportunity and learned a different side of the industry.  I built endurance, speed and knowledge.  I signed up for an exam that I rescheduled once and was committed to studying every freaking minute I had.  On top of this, one goal -- to move out of the state -- forced me to finally get my house into shape in preparation to sell.  That is, until I decided to commit more time to the exam.  Neglected, my house grew chaotic.  I realized the truths behind having a middle school child, my first born.  This was emotionally the hardest - learning to let go, trusting my gut instincts, and being more firm than I've ever been took a toll on me.  I struggled with decisions and as a result of letting my guard down - I had the worse experience yet of 2014.  Even worse than realizing I didn't pass my certified exam.  And that broke my heart bad.

Trust is a funny thing.  You need it to survive, but it messes with you.  I think "to trust" is a sacred act.  I've tried to loosen the trust strings while standing on guard when dealing with an unfamiliar environment, but I strongly believe in giving those the benefit of the doubt until they've done you wrong.  Of course if and when that happens, it sinks deep and you get angry with yourself because you didn't put your guard up more.  You trusted them and they stabbed you in the back.  I don't take being accused of something that is the absolute false, lightly.  You can't destroy me with your words because I stood up for myself.  Of this, I'm proud.  And I'm more than happy now that I am reserving my talents for those that deserve it.

It is also funny how you really learn who your friends are when swimming through troubled times.  It doesn't exist if it's one sided.  Hey that's cool, I can take a hint.  Probably why Twitter is a safe bet cause it's non-committal and I don't have to wonder if you're going to respond to my text cause I don't care anymore.

I also learned that people with power are the most self-centered people I've ever met and that it's unfortunate that success has come at the price of being cold yet never realizing that your happiness will never be fulfilled until you realize how to put yourself in the other person's shoes.

Finally, I learned the only person in the world who truly knows you for who you are and will always be there until the end, is yourself.  Once I accepted this fact, I began to find peace in my journey.

This is why I write.  It's my deepest form of therapy.  In fact, for many years I kept journals that helped me survive all the stages of my life.  I am learning to be content with the little things.  I confess that, prior to my revelation, technology had encouraged me to succumb to the immediate need for everything.  But now, now I really crave a simple, yet deeper life. One that wastes no time on negativity, lost souls, one sided friends, and employers that don't acknowledge your contributions and strengths.  I am urging you, whomever reads this, to reflect on you and who you are inside - there is an untold story in you and those who are worthy - should hear it.  They exist.  You know deep down who they may be and you know who they definitely are not.

In honor of a great writer who recently passed, Maya Angelou, I leave you with this inspiring quote.  I know I am not perfect, but I refuse to surrender to the negative influences that attempt to pull me away from the simple, yet profound life rule I really believe in.  To be polite and respectful.  And if you don't receive it in return, turn your cheek away.  Don't expend your energy on the unworthy.

greener grass

I won't deny it, I miss smoking weed, but not enough to partake in the consuming habit it once was.  With a temper on my side, it soothed my mind, helped release tension, and made me write like a rock star.

writer's block

We all need inspiration.  Anyone who denies its need is lying to his/herself.  Inspiration can represent anything, but it's a priceless concoction that moves the soul along.  It may be aiming to fit in a new swim suit after working out for six weeks, a promotion that comes with a raise after that long worked on project has been completed, or a vacation in the future that's way overdue, compliments of your tax return.  As humans, when we know that a pot of gold awaits us at the end of the tunnel, we use that sight down the road to push, ignite and inspire us to work towards "point B."  In my case, inspiration gives me ammunition to write stories that I hope in turn will inspire thought.

the grass isn't always greener on the other side

I know this lesson better than anyone.  I am living through it now.  It amazes me how often I fall flat on my face because I think one change will make a dramatic impact.  "Say it isn't so?"  I bite my lip in hopes it is a bad dream that brought me to my current steps.  Yet it isn't a bad dream, but the realization that writer's block has taken me hostage and truth be told, I've been missing inspiration as a part of my day-to-day.

I have been pondering this for a few days now and my latest dream from last night's slumber brought about an obvious answer.  It doesn't require climbing the gate to get to the other side.  We make our successes by our actions, driven and focused as we project them. This is anyone's ammunition...drive...fire that gets us going.

When we're hungry, we eat.  When we're tired, we sleep.  These are examples of how our energy is fueled.  So I ask you this?  How do you acquire greener grass?  Bingo, you water it.

Find your motivation.  It's out there - sometimes you have to dig for it, but it's there. It's an essential part of how we grow as a person and knowing when you have succeeded makes it all the more glorious.

So what's my current inspiration?  To make everything I touch better.  To treat others nicely.  To smile and laugh every day because it's a "sure cure" that always makes us feel alive.  More amazing than this, it's contagious and if everyone's doing it then inspiration will grow abundantly.