Have you made your bed today?

Welcome back, to my blog.  It's been a while - seven months to be exact.  My absence is due to a multitude of reasons, but I'm ready to return with short stories and insights to daily adventures, life lessons and surprise dealings.  My first blog post for 2015 was born of an unfortunate exchange of words that left me wounded and perplexed about the constant occurrence of losing friendships over unbalanced expectations.  I'm still in shock, yet I'm learning more everyday as to why it is more important than ever to make sure the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is make my bed.

Photo credit:  Crane & Canopy

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I have daily discussions with my eleven year old son about why it is important to make your own bed.  Possibly more stubborn than my mother, he is relentlessly confused as to why the task must be facilitated. It may be the millionth time we've discussed this, yet I still laugh and enjoy these moments of debate.  I, on the other hand, lavishly welcome the thought of straightening my bed immediately after I wake. Everything about it must be perfect - the sides are even, the bed is leveled and the duvet looks calm and pressed.  When it comes to putting on new sheets, my husband and I often have contests on who could put the pillow cases on the fastest.  These moments make me happy and feel safe. Sometimes I forget how that feels -- the little things that mean the most.

As I approach the anniversary of the last time I spoke with my best friend, I reflect on how much I've changed.  Learning not to have a best friend is difficult because I literally could have called her at any whim's moment and I do believe that to be a strong descriptor of best friends.  Realistically though, when a line is crossed for me, I can't turn back.  It's harder. There's a certain distinction about the type of sadness you experience when someone you trust and care for is the responsible for this feeling.  It affects everything about you because a friend is someone you choose; accepting misjudgement brings about self blame and the equation of these emotions make it much harder to trust again.

That was three years ago.  These days, it's easier not to care.  That's the scary thing.  I've been hurt so many times that I just do whatever I can to fill in the holes.  I strive for staying focused.  I don't have time to waste on those who don't give a shit about me.  I am my own guard.  I am responsible for protecting my soul.  A big and important job considering it controls every function I have been bestowed with.  I want to savor these gifts.  I have the ability to feel because I'm alive and truthfully, even when I'm hurting or feeling let down, I am thankful that I can feel an array of emotions.  This enables me to express my stories through artistic forms.  I choose writing because it paints a unique picture in each reader's mind - making it his/her story.

So why make your bed?  Because that's where your day begins.  It's the first thing you do and when you return to sleep, it's a reminder that you can count on yourself to make it right, be strong and start over.  It's proof that you can stay focused and loyal to your daily regimen. It shows consistency can triumph over disappointments that we have no control over.  It's the little things, remember, that make everything worth it - that mean the most. So make your bed and make it good.  You'll set the pace for strength regardless of the cards you're dealt; and after a long day there's no better feeling than returning to a bed that's comfortably made and ready to take you in.

greener grass

I won't deny it, I miss smoking weed, but not enough to partake in the consuming habit it once was.  With a temper on my side, it soothed my mind, helped release tension, and made me write like a rock star.

writer's block

We all need inspiration.  Anyone who denies its need is lying to his/herself.  Inspiration can represent anything, but it's a priceless concoction that moves the soul along.  It may be aiming to fit in a new swim suit after working out for six weeks, a promotion that comes with a raise after that long worked on project has been completed, or a vacation in the future that's way overdue, compliments of your tax return.  As humans, when we know that a pot of gold awaits us at the end of the tunnel, we use that sight down the road to push, ignite and inspire us to work towards "point B."  In my case, inspiration gives me ammunition to write stories that I hope in turn will inspire thought.

the grass isn't always greener on the other side

I know this lesson better than anyone.  I am living through it now.  It amazes me how often I fall flat on my face because I think one change will make a dramatic impact.  "Say it isn't so?"  I bite my lip in hopes it is a bad dream that brought me to my current steps.  Yet it isn't a bad dream, but the realization that writer's block has taken me hostage and truth be told, I've been missing inspiration as a part of my day-to-day.

I have been pondering this for a few days now and my latest dream from last night's slumber brought about an obvious answer.  It doesn't require climbing the gate to get to the other side.  We make our successes by our actions, driven and focused as we project them. This is anyone's ammunition...drive...fire that gets us going.

When we're hungry, we eat.  When we're tired, we sleep.  These are examples of how our energy is fueled.  So I ask you this?  How do you acquire greener grass?  Bingo, you water it.

Find your motivation.  It's out there - sometimes you have to dig for it, but it's there. It's an essential part of how we grow as a person and knowing when you have succeeded makes it all the more glorious.

So what's my current inspiration?  To make everything I touch better.  To treat others nicely.  To smile and laugh every day because it's a "sure cure" that always makes us feel alive.  More amazing than this, it's contagious and if everyone's doing it then inspiration will grow abundantly.

a million pieces

It's funny how when you least suspect it, something in your life happens and you turn around and your past is gone.  When moving forward takes you a few steps further than you're ready for.  When you hear from an old friend who reminds you of something you believed in a long time ago.  When another friend shares some news and it's unexpected.  When a colleague turns evil and you're told to just go with it.

A million pieces.

That was last month.  I can't deny having racked my brain trying to digest it all.  I'm not looking into the glass, I'm inside.  My astrological sign defines me as one who dissects everything I come into contact with because I am constantly struggling with making sense of the world that revolves around me.  I see math problems minus their answers.

I'm over the drama of the industry I work in.  It's life and it's at a cost, so let mine be mine and yours be yours.  We don't need to advertise complications.  I admit that growing up in a Christian home sheltered me from the things I know today, but I wouldn't trade those lessons for anything.  It is within those lessons that I bore a heart - something most people struggle with displaying.  We spend so much time running around, attending meetings, keeping appointments, meeting deadlines, blowing people off because there is never enough time.

Where did all the time go?

For once, I'd like to have a "frankly darling, I don't give a damn" moment and be perfectly cool with it.  So I'm throwing in the towel this month.  Trying my hand in a different view of life.  Maybe instead of incomplete numbers, I should be seeing life as music notes flowing along the day, each tune changing with the scene it brings about.

And I shall write more as I envision these musical notes.  Writing has always been therapeutic for me; it's cheap, goes by my schedule, and enables me to practice writing big words.  This reminds me of the moral of a movie my brother gave me many Christmases ago.  About a girl who merely cared about doing good and never thinking about herself in the interim or getting lost in the drama.  Goodness always rewards itself with goodness - you could never fail in this process.

So there you have it.  Moving forward, my million pieces will represent goodness and music sheets.  It'll play these tunes as the day moves along.  You'll hear the song on the radio that will represent whatever your heart desires at that very moment.  And happiness will soar abound.

And suddenly your heart will feel complete as the song as you make it.

All you have to do is listen and let go.

View life as a music sheet, changing with each scene