untold story

Thus far, 2014 has been quite a life-changing year.  To start, I made big plans.  Set goals in motion, took on another opportunity and learned a different side of the industry.  I built endurance, speed and knowledge.  I signed up for an exam that I rescheduled once and was committed to studying every freaking minute I had.  On top of this, one goal -- to move out of the state -- forced me to finally get my house into shape in preparation to sell.  That is, until I decided to commit more time to the exam.  Neglected, my house grew chaotic.  I realized the truths behind having a middle school child, my first born.  This was emotionally the hardest - learning to let go, trusting my gut instincts, and being more firm than I've ever been took a toll on me.  I struggled with decisions and as a result of letting my guard down - I had the worse experience yet of 2014.  Even worse than realizing I didn't pass my certified exam.  And that broke my heart bad.

Trust is a funny thing.  You need it to survive, but it messes with you.  I think "to trust" is a sacred act.  I've tried to loosen the trust strings while standing on guard when dealing with an unfamiliar environment, but I strongly believe in giving those the benefit of the doubt until they've done you wrong.  Of course if and when that happens, it sinks deep and you get angry with yourself because you didn't put your guard up more.  You trusted them and they stabbed you in the back.  I don't take being accused of something that is the absolute false, lightly.  You can't destroy me with your words because I stood up for myself.  Of this, I'm proud.  And I'm more than happy now that I am reserving my talents for those that deserve it.

It is also funny how you really learn who your friends are when swimming through troubled times.  It doesn't exist if it's one sided.  Hey that's cool, I can take a hint.  Probably why Twitter is a safe bet cause it's non-committal and I don't have to wonder if you're going to respond to my text cause I don't care anymore.

I also learned that people with power are the most self-centered people I've ever met and that it's unfortunate that success has come at the price of being cold yet never realizing that your happiness will never be fulfilled until you realize how to put yourself in the other person's shoes.

Finally, I learned the only person in the world who truly knows you for who you are and will always be there until the end, is yourself.  Once I accepted this fact, I began to find peace in my journey.

This is why I write.  It's my deepest form of therapy.  In fact, for many years I kept journals that helped me survive all the stages of my life.  I am learning to be content with the little things.  I confess that, prior to my revelation, technology had encouraged me to succumb to the immediate need for everything.  But now, now I really crave a simple, yet deeper life. One that wastes no time on negativity, lost souls, one sided friends, and employers that don't acknowledge your contributions and strengths.  I am urging you, whomever reads this, to reflect on you and who you are inside - there is an untold story in you and those who are worthy - should hear it.  They exist.  You know deep down who they may be and you know who they definitely are not.

In honor of a great writer who recently passed, Maya Angelou, I leave you with this inspiring quote.  I know I am not perfect, but I refuse to surrender to the negative influences that attempt to pull me away from the simple, yet profound life rule I really believe in.  To be polite and respectful.  And if you don't receive it in return, turn your cheek away.  Don't expend your energy on the unworthy.

Sans social media

Last Christmas my parents got both of my children the Nook reading tablet.  I suggested it mainly for my daughter as she is an avid reader, but according to their old school ways of parenting, they couldn't get one for her and not my son.  Seven months later that reading tablet has turned into a technology friendlier way for them to communicate with their friends through a free texting app called Text Now (they don't own cell phones, yet all of their friends do - sign of suburbia living).

Prior to their acquiring the Nook, my kids would always complain that I spent too much time on my own apps, specifically Twitter and Instagram and would often question who I loved more:  social media or them.  Of course I always answered the latter, but now that they've busied themselves with the lure of apps that are available on their reading tablet, I felt it most important to take this point further by setting an example.  So on June 13, I made a vow to them that I wouldn't access my social media accounts for a month.  To resist the urge to pop in, I even went as far as to delete them from my phone.  Yes folks, I went cold turkey.

At first it felt strange, especially working in the restaurant industry, it's extremely beneficial when you know what's going on in the hospitality world.  There are constant changes and if you don't keep up it does affect you to a degree.  I stand by this wholeheartedly.  But I have to admit, it felt good not to have to worry about what chef was hired at where, new restaurant openings, recent reviews, which friend has been to the latest hot spot and what specials/attractions were going on in town.  It almost reminded me of the days back when we didn't have the instant access to such news that we have now. When life was actually normal, less hectic.

I am spending a lot more time hanging out with the kids since it's been summer break.  I feel like I am getting to know them in a different light.  They are growing up and changing so fast.  I wish I could pause some moments because before I know it, they won't want to hang out with me anymore.  It's been enlightening.  It's caused me to reflect on what's most important and how I would never trade them for anything else in the world.

I don't know if my giving up social media for a month had any immediate effect on them, but it sure did on me and if that's to count for anything, it will in the long run have a positive influence on them.  It definitely taught me to take breaks.  Reflection is a necessary tool for the soul especially in the fast moving world we live in now.  Realizing that we can live without most material things is a very crucial trait one must carry through hard times.  Those things come and go.  It's the people we love that we can't do without. They are priceless and for that, being reminded of this made the lesson of sans social media so much more worth it.

Hanging out with my fan club at Big Star