Thursday, October 27, 2011

Breaking up with me

It sounds silly, but it really isn't.  We all, at one time, have to admit, we put more on our shoulders than we should.  We take on more tasks, make more promises and commit to more than we are physically and emotionally able to - and it's our own fault.  That is why I decided to end the relationship with the side of me that didn't know how to say "no".

I'm done with the sacrifices or the going out of my way for friends that do not return the same sentiment.  It's just not gonna happen anymore.  I majored in Sociology and I truly get the effects of recession, but it's gone past the point of repair.  We have been suffering trials and challenges unlike any we've had before, and it's been happening for over a solid three years.  As a result, we are in an age when it is imperative that we make careful decisions.  But what has occurred and continues to is the acceptability of selfishness more than I have ever encountered and frankly, it saddens me.

I lost my best friend this summer over a child disciplinary matter.  It's dumb, but I chose to stand my ground as I believed she attempted to bully me into giving up who I really am.  I don't have to answer to her or anyone else for that matter.  What I do believe in, is respect and kindness.  These values don't come easy anymore and as a result, I struggle with instilling this into my children everyday.  There was a random act of kindness the other day that my daughter brought to my attention.  She said, "Mom, that was so nice of that lady."  The tone in her voice indicated that things like this don't happen often.  It made me sad to think I am raising two kids that are more used to rude occurrences than politeness.

That's why I am letting go of that person inside who doesn't want to get hurt or disappointed anymore.  I understand everyone is busy, but so am I and if I take the time to show I care then I do.  If you don't feel the same then it's time to go our separate ways.

I tweeted yesterday that thanks to a particular someone, I am getting myself back.  I am referring to the fact that I continually remind myself, that regardless of the outcome - there are always powerful messages to be learned.  This is a stepping stone for me.  I am becoming stronger, I am learning who to trust and how to trust others.  I am learning to not be afraid and that it's okay to have fears sometimes.  Everyone we meet represents something in our life that slowly envelops into who we are and what we're all about.

For the record, I do miss my best friend sometimes.  We had a lot in common and it was hard to let go of our obvious connections.  I wish her well always, but sometimes life means letting go.  It feels good to let go and it is a necessary part of our lives.  So I bid farewell to her, to my "can't say no" side and the old me - who's learning everyday what means the most and how to let those things and people know how much.

Friday, October 14, 2011

sideway thoughts

slam. the door - taken by surprise, it opened wide then quickly closed with fear
let's make this clear, no - i choose to erase it, i don't want it to ever be near
i took a different view by tilting my head, i grew tiresome - leaving its thoughts behind
in reality, i was fined.  there are losers, mine a result of something i'll never find

there will be days when I falter, then turn blind, and the chalk residue is all i'll have
neither friend or foe can fill my showtime shoes, merely they'll conceive it a fad
no substance can cure this bout of ill chemistry, whatever it was, it was never true
i look upon the blackboard, empty and without words, it was all i knew i could do

i'm done wasting time, without much as a dime, to show for the time i invested
the mystery lies in another frame, troubled.  time to crawl out of this hole i have nested
when i soar, which i will, i will conquer.  there will be crossing guards there beside me
i tilt my head once more, eyes sans sore.  it will dissipate, the clouds, and leave it be

Monday, October 3, 2011

Reason #12

Last Friday night, I waited on an elderly couple who was celebrating their wedding anniversary.  I thanked them for choosing our restaurant to celebrate such a joyous occasion with.  They each began with a cocktail before I went over the menu with them.  When I came back after my spiel, they both agreed to do the tasting menu.  I was elated, not because of what they ordered, but because I knew I was going to give them the best experience ever.

This is a perfect example of what I love about the restaurant industry.  Each and every table has a story.  It's an opportunity to meet guests, engage with them, suggest dishes, pour their wine, correspond with them to the point that you develop a temporary relationship that can sometimes leave a mark on you.  Whether it be the distant traveler from somewhere you've always wanted to visit, or the young couple who's new to the area, good friends catching up, families who always dine together - as servers we learn to read our tables.  We know when to talk and how much.  We understand the signs our guests exhibit, as unclear as they may be sometimes.  In the end, no two tables are ever really alike.

Sure you have your regulars, that's the part of business that guarantees the revenue.  For me, however, the first time guests who come and based on their satisfying experiences, tell others about it, are the most challenging tables and the ones I fancy the most.  It's a constant learning cycle, and it wakens the various personalities that each server possesses, and gives them the chance to express everything necessary to accommodate the table's needs and deliver the best service based on their judgement of the table.  No other job has similar connections, not on an average of 90 minutes.

I truly enjoy serving.  I think it's crazy half the time, but it allows me to talk about two things that are very dear to me:  food and wine.  I grew up eating and licking my plate - I was a "seconds, please" girl for a long time.  As I grew older - my developing interest in wine brought me to a place that exposed me to wine at great lengths and for that, I am ever grateful.  It is only through serving that I can talk with others about my passion for both things.  It's reason #12 why I love what I do.