My morning began as usual. Scrambling up at half past seven - attempting to wake up children, one who responds easily and one who prefers to stay in bed all day. After dropping them off for school, I started to take in my night's past. I was elated to be off from work, yet painfully dumbfounded by news that I still did not know how to decipher. I craved rap music that possessed nothing but swear words because my new year's resolution would then be tampered. What the fuck, I thought. Then I quickly decided a need for a bloody mary in my near future would sedate me and my thoughts would vanish. The bloody mary appeared but my thoughts' vanishing never happened.
The afternoon rolled around and after attempting errands for over an hour, I rushed home to chug a beer. Not good, especially considering I had an event to attend at my children's school four hours later and I didn't wish to feel bloated. Didn't matter because the harm had been done, but I made up for it by making a kick-ass dinner in a matter of 30 minutes. The highlight of my day.
Dinner came and went, so did the event at school which turned out to be very successful. I was much impressed with the efforts my children had put forth in their presentations in their homeroom. And as you could imagine, feeling the joy as a mother of two children with honest hard work put forth, I was beyond proud. We returned home to an after dinner snack and a bit of TV before I sent them off to bed and that brings me back to the bottle I rested in the fridge.
Wow - it's amazing what chill time does to a bottle that should have been consumed five days earlier. It did its trick and continues to do so, but here I am writing this entry, without having gotten to my original point that spawned on the idea of my title.
In all honesty, it's about how I feel right now. I feel like the enemy is closer to me than those I call my friends. I am getting too tired of the bullshit of one-sided kindness, of passive aggressiveness (an overly used term that yet describes most people I meet), of no one taking the fucking time to put themselves in my shoes. Really? I feel closer to my enemies sometimes because there's no pressure to impress or devote - and in the end it's all the same.
It's all about expectations. In an earlier post I extended the advice to "expect less". In my human state, I forget to apply this tactic in a continuous fashion. So here I go, once again - telling myself to let go, drink wine and turn to my enemies. They don't expect much from me and vice versa. The interaction is easy and I drink painlessly. It sounds like a double identity issue, but let's be honest: we all have another side to our groove. When I don't stress about life then life doesn't stress on me and when I add wine to the equation - it makes it all better. Minus the emotion - wine is the only one who really gets me.
Blend of Merlot, Cabernet Sauvignon, Carignan and Grenache "Vintage" 2010