Heartache is overrated

Of all my girlfriends, I have definitely had my share of bad boys.  But then again, I was never one to stick around.  My own mother would testify that she never saw me settling down, getting married and having kids - but being one who likes to prove anyone wrong, I did just that.

Heartache is imperative in life.  If your first love didn't break your heart and every relationship you had was perfect then you wouldn't know how to deal with strife or how to recover.  Learning to bounce back from heartache teaches you a valuable gift that is never bestowed upon you, or earned. It merely happens.  It teaches you to persevere, take on challenges, be head-strong, make solid decisions, tell right from wrong, know when to trust and when not to, and above all - it makes the experiences that are heartfelt versus brokenhearted, even more rewarding.  You can rest assure that you will endure those moments that seem to last forever or never go away because in the end, heartache is overrated.

Don't sell yourself short on those who are not worthy of your time.  It's a process, I contest to that, but you will survive.  Shortly after my four year on-again, off-again relationship with a guy in college, I told myself that I would never depose time and energy to anyone like I did to him.  He broke me in half in the end, but soon after our break-up I realized that I let him do it.  I toyed with our relationship, we dated others at certain periods than came back to each other, we confessed our love, professed our love then separated again - only to find out that when I thought it was just us, it was us and a third person.  I laugh about it now because I was sadder to part ways with his mom than I was with him.  He was in the end what I like to call, "good riddance".  It took me a bit of time to see it because I couldn't decipher what it was that made me sad, but in hindsight - I realized that I was more disappointed in myself, the person I had become, than I was with his cheating on me.  It was never what I wanted and once free, I learned to be myself again and explore what life had in store for me.

"In other news" the same goes for being turned away from prospect employers.  I've had interviews that I felt I rocked out 150 percent, only to be faced with a dead-end interim.  In all honesty, I am learning to deal with the rejection aka heartache in a different light.  The fact that so-called managers disregard the professional follow-up emails that job hunters send reminds me of a certain class of men we've all dated.  The lies that consist of, "We'll call you" which really translates to, "We won't call you because we don't have the guts to tell you the truth" (sound like a boyfriend you once had who strung you along?).  In the end, I wouldn't want to work for someone who can't be honest. I understand that most employers go by gut instinct or maybe they are looking for a specific criteria of work experience (I get the chemistry aspect), just don't lead people on.  Being straightforward when and however appropriate earns more respect upfront and one that is possibly long lasting ("perhaps we can become friends" - we've all heard that one before).

Overall, I am taking the way of interviewing in stride.  I am remembering my heartache memories and applying lessons learned in the same way.  I am exerting my energy to productive interests, keeping up with the latest news in the restaurant industry and studying my wine books again.  I truly believe everything happens for a reason.  Heartache is overrated - the job that is intended for me will turn up when the timing's right.  Just like the right guy or girl for those of you in the dating game.  Be patient, after all, it's a virtue.

Lagrein Haiku

Complex and untold

He asked me to spell it twice

One kind of Lagrein

Play Review - Fulton Street Sessions

Fulton Street Sessions was born from both the collaboration of free form improv sessions and the aftermath of the infamous, horrific winter storm of February 2011.  It is a collection of various skits that carry music as its common denominator while expressing sporadic emotions from across the board.  As I watched the play evolve I floated between “wanting to be a singer” to feelings that ranged from “selfishness” to “free love” within a matter of ten minutes.  I was within a state of stupor in wanting to lay low but then getting the urge to get up and join the cast.  All in all, the play accomplished its goal in entertaining, and entertain it did.

TUTA members Kirk Anderson, Jaimelyn Gray, Stacie Beth Green, Trey Maclin and Jacqueline Stone engineered the play with director Zeljko Djukic leading the cast.  For 85 minutes, the actors took the audience on a ride that depicted every element of life in its own shape, way or form.  The opening scene reflected the bizarre blizzard of last winter by displaying an exaggeration of both ignorance and fear alike.  With ignorance because even after three winters here, people still act surprised when it snows profusely during winter months (go figure) and with fear because there is always an elite group of folks, pantries stocked, who dare not leave their homes in the dead of winter.

There were acts of no rhyme, no reason – things that happen in life that don’t serve a purpose.  Why do we pay bills again?  Paper shuffle – what’s that about?  They paint a picture of such nuisances.  Acts of verbal dialogue – where random subjects are discussed, usually at the most impertinent of times.  Harmonious performances of rock, hymn chords, folklore music and a truly classic tune, in addition to the incorporation of various instruments connected the play together magically.

Music is power.  It compels every soul; we merely share different appreciation for different sounds.  That is its gift and watching this play confirmed what I believe to be so true and that is music brings people together.  Whether you are young, old, black or white – if a song touches your soul, it represents the very part of you that stirs up a forgotten memory or an emotion that may have been buried inside.  That is not something that can be said for many forms of art.

Overall, the simplicity of its backdrop with its ever-changing dramatic flow of settings created a play so grand.  The actors intertwined in their craft graciously. Their performance brought out each intended emotion based on the audience’s state of mind at the very time of each act.  It was about being real and letting it all out. 

If there’s one message you should leave with after watching Fulton Street Sessions it’s this:  life is all about letting go and ad-libbing along the way.  Let art move you and bring people together.  It creates harmony and peace in ways we may never understand and conceive its full potential unless we fear not.

If your emotions need re-charging, this play will complete its mission.

Fulton Street Sessions

Through March 25

TUTA at Chicago Dramatists

1105 W. Chicago Ave.

Tickets:  $30-40

1-800-838-3006 or tutato.com

Flames blaring

I grew up in the northwest side of Chicago and had witnessed quite a bit as a result.  I am not talking about the usual suspects:  brutal teasing, delayed puberty, feeling like an outcast, etc.  No, these things made my life normal.  I am referring to the lower-to-mid income families that shifted around from apartment to apartment, and trouble that always lurked nearby.  By the time I was a freshman in high school, I was asked to join a gang.  Then luck would have it that my homeroom partner would be a "gang banger", which gave me a way out, and in turn made me feel safe.  I was cool with that.


Junior year came - I landed my first job as a shampoo girl at a neighborhood salon.  This was during a time when hair stylists were still referred to as beauticians.  Sounded like an innocent profession to be among, but I learned quickly that I had seen nothing yet.  I witnessed my first experience of back stabbing.  Boom!  Down my back the pain struck, up my spine the chills inflicted, I had been de-virginized of trust in the workplace.  Damn, talk about being heartbroken because of someone I worked with, not by a boy I liked.  I didn't want to know how the latter felt.


This became a viscous cycle.  It was do or die.  Every man or woman for themselves.


Here's my deal:  I am done with the cruelty of man.  I am tired of being abused for my dedication or having my generosity mistaken for control and deceit.  When will the madness end? The flames still blare inside.  I am angry that someone I trusted took advantage of my eagerness and my ability to stand up for myself.  If I don't - who will?  They could never answer that, no one can but me.


I have slammed many doors in the past week, most due to frustration and to let off steam.  I started my vigorous dance class again in hopes of toning my body in case I get attacked in the face versus at my spirit.  One's spirit:  the worst part of your body to have broken.  It's the backbone of every element of your life.  It gives you motivation, passion and positive energy.  It keeps you moving forward and not back.  It's the battery lifeline in our soul that keeps the heart ticking and tocking.  I will get it back, I know I will.  In the end, no one is ever worth the grief of disappointment.


I look back often and ponder on my choices.  Changing my life career was a risk.  One that continues to be supported by my family, even when the risk has its doubts or when the light doesn't shine at the end. Then what is life without risks?  A safe one, at that - no challenges means no gusto and it also means the ones who like to push others down will win.  Not on my time.  In the past year, I have written several entries regarding my determination to fight onward, to prove my identity, to establish the truth that it is possible to be a mother and a wine professional.  Regardless of my bank account and my inability to fucking drink Chassagne Montrachet Grand Cru, Château Cos d'Estournel or Aldo Conterno Barolo at my immediate disposal (never mind vintage access at this point).  If I have passion, if I have the will to try, I can fight this ugly battle in the industry I have chosen.  My motto moving forward:  I define myself by who I am and not by someone else's selfish and insecure actions.  This, ladies and gentlemen, is what I call integrity.

Third position

It's third position, the unknown character
the one without the rules and sans lyrical
a different space and free to roam about
no questions asked and never any doubts
secluded, eluded, no alcohol is required
it's all about sincerity and owning the fire
there are no games or any time to lose
decisions don't exist, no answers to choose
"why" dissipates, the scenery is safe
letting go means you have what it takes
get on the train, the ride is serene
you'll get the message once you have seen
no note needed, your faith is the truth
thus carefully carries the soul of your youth

Rhone Rulers

Earlier this week, I had the most delightful pleasure of popping into a tasting that featured Rhone Valley selections from Importer Alain Junguenet.  I was on pins and needles in anticipation of great things that I've heard, yet not tasted...

"Less is More", or so the vintage 2010 is sited as.  I don't drink wines from Rhone Valley often, let alone Châteauneuf-du-Pape selections, but as a student of wine - I wanted to tag into the vintage that is being praised with much attention.  Here are some of my notes on the ones that left a lasting impression on me.

Domaine de la Chardonnière Châteauneuf-du-Pape Blanc 2010
(40% Grenache Blanc, 40% Roussane, 20% Clairette)
I call this a teaser wine.  Firstly due to its fleshy texture and juicy structure.  I enjoy floral notes on a wine and this one was bountiful.  Acacia upfront, with honeysuckle notes surrendering after swirling the wine in my glass for a while.  Apricot skin, yellow apple flesh and fresh picked asian pear - fruits are ripe without being obnoxious.  The spice was contributed from the wine spending time in 25% new oak barrels, yet the vanilla attributes were sexy instead of cloying, the icing on the cake - it rounded the wine nicely.  The mineral notes consisted of a layer of smooth stones which complimented the body and ample acid component in this wine.  Overall, it was a well balanced wine that I'd fancy trying in about two years.  The wine is bottled without filtration.

Château Fortia Châteauneuf-du-Pape Rouge "Reserve Speciale" 2010
(85% Syrah, 15% Grenache)
I am not crazy about Syrah unless it's from Tuscany where it carries an old world character of someone with tons of wisdom.  This bottling contained overripe black plums, sweet blackberries and lush boysenberries with a stern meaty note, subtle white pepper and playful limestone.  It was a nose that constantly changed on me.  High concentration and bold tannins to match, but they softened up just a touch after it lingered on my palate and that was when I was swooned.  This is a classy full bodied wine that knows its boundaries and will age ever so gracefully.  Everything was so well interweaved that I still couldn't believe that I found a Syrah that I didn't want to let go of.  The first vintage for this wine was in 2006 using 10 year old Syrah vines.  I am surprised, yet intrigued to see what potentials will develop for a wine that is destined to create history.

Domaine Olivier Hillaire Châteauneuf-du-Pape Rouge "Les Petits Pieds d'Armand" 2010
(100% Grenache)
First of all, this is story in itself.  Winemaker Olivier Hillaire purchased three hectares of CDP and five hectares of CDR in 2006 from his ex-father in law whom he previously worked for, at Domaine des Relagnes.  Smaller plots of land, yes - but to no dismay.  His previous wine knowledge led him to choose the best parcels that existed.  Among one of his plots, there grows Grenache grapevines that are 107 years old - contained in this special bottling which he named after his grandfather Armand.  Every jammy berry is packed into this lush wine that explodes with sandy minerality and an almost perfect structure foundation.  Baking spices such as clove and nutmeg are well-laced within.  Loads of mineral traces on the finish and so well balanced - another wine that proves to be age worthy.  In conclusion, this wine proved to me that anyone can fall in love with one wine and one wine only.  This is that wine.  Call me crazy.

I only chose three wines due to my limited time at the tasting, but all in all if I ever get invited to a Alain Junguenet Selection wine tasting again - I will be the first to arrive and the last to leave.

Be real

If you can't handle the fire then don't light the flame

I'm not into folks who play mind games

Project sincerity, in every move you make

If you don't like to give then don't try to take

Grow up - it's advice we need every day

Live for the moment but not in harm's way

Reach out, if you think you can conquer

Those who are real are those whom I honor

Listen up, we all learn from each other

In this world, we're all sisters and brothers

I live for harmony, call it the hippie way of life

Peace is the answer - no need for paid advice

Be true, not something to fear or avoid 

Imperfections build the character we learn to employ 

Accept individuality, we own special gifts within

The beauty is where we see it and use them to win

Don't rationalize, it'll put your mind in jail

Believe me when I say your soul can't cover its bail 

Let yourself go, breathe in and breathe out

Society is where it begins, of this there's no doubt

Life is layers - work, pleasure, family ties

If you choose to be real then you'll always survive