Breaking up with me

It sounds silly, but it really isn't.  We all, at one time, have to admit, we put more on our shoulders than we should.  We take on more tasks, make more promises and commit to more than we are physically and emotionally able to - and it's our own fault.  That is why I decided to end the relationship with the side of me that didn't know how to say "no".


I'm done with the sacrifices or the going out of my way for friends that do not return the same sentiment.  It's just not gonna happen anymore.  I majored in Sociology and I truly get the effects of recession, but it's gone past the point of repair.  We have been suffering trials and challenges unlike any we've had before, and it's been happening for over a solid three years.  As a result, we are in an age when it is imperative that we make careful decisions.  But what has occurred and continues to is the acceptability of selfishness more than I have ever encountered and frankly, it saddens me.


I lost my best friend this summer over a child disciplinary matter.  It's dumb, but I chose to stand my ground as I believed she attempted to bully me into giving up who I really am.  I don't have to answer to her or anyone else for that matter.  What I do believe in, is respect and kindness.  These values don't come easy anymore and as a result, I struggle with instilling this into my children everyday.  There was a random act of kindness the other day that my daughter brought to my attention.  She said, "Mom, that was so nice of that lady."  The tone in her voice indicated that things like this don't happen often.  It made me sad to think I am raising two kids that are more used to rude occurrences than politeness.


That's why I am letting go of that person inside who doesn't want to get hurt or disappointed anymore.  I understand everyone is busy, but so am I and if I take the time to show I care then I do.  If you don't feel the same then it's time to go our separate ways.


I tweeted yesterday that thanks to a particular someone, I am getting myself back.  I am referring to the fact that I continually remind myself, that regardless of the outcome - there are always powerful messages to be learned.  This is a stepping stone for me.  I am becoming stronger, I am learning who to trust and how to trust others.  I am learning to not be afraid and that it's okay to have fears sometimes.  Everyone we meet represents something in our life that slowly envelops into who we are and what we're all about.


For the record, I do miss my best friend sometimes.  We had a lot in common and it was hard to let go of our obvious connections.  I wish her well always, but sometimes life means letting go.  It feels good to let go and it is a necessary part of our lives.  So I bid farewell to her, to my "can't say no" side and the old me - who's learning everyday what means the most and how to let those things and people know how much.

sideway thoughts

slam. the door - taken by surprise, it opened wide then quickly closed with fear
let's make this clear, no - i choose to erase it, i don't want it to ever be near
i took a different view by tilting my head, i grew tiresome - leaving its thoughts behind
in reality, i was fined.  there are losers, mine a result of something i'll never find

there will be days when I falter, then turn blind, and the chalk residue is all i'll have
neither friend or foe can fill my showtime shoes, merely they'll conceive it a fad
no substance can cure this bout of ill chemistry, whatever it was, it was never true
i look upon the blackboard, empty and without words, it was all i knew i could do

i'm done wasting time, without much as a dime, to show for the time i invested
the mystery lies in another frame, troubled.  time to crawl out of this hole i have nested
when i soar, which i will, i will conquer.  there will be crossing guards there beside me
i tilt my head once more, eyes sans sore.  it will dissipate, the clouds, and leave it be

Reason #12

Last Friday night, I waited on an elderly couple who was celebrating their wedding anniversary.  I thanked them for choosing our restaurant to celebrate such a joyous occasion with.  They each began with a cocktail before I went over the menu with them.  When I came back after my spiel, they both agreed to do the tasting menu.  I was elated, not because of what they ordered, but because I knew I was going to give them the best experience ever.


This is a perfect example of what I love about the restaurant industry.  Each and every table has a story.  It's an opportunity to meet guests, engage with them, suggest dishes, pour their wine, correspond with them to the point that you develop a temporary relationship that can sometimes leave a mark on you.  Whether it be the distant traveler from somewhere you've always wanted to visit, or the young couple who's new to the area, good friends catching up, families who always dine together - as servers we learn to read our tables.  We know when to talk and how much.  We understand the signs our guests exhibit, as unclear as they may be sometimes.  In the end, no two tables are ever really alike.


Sure you have your regulars, that's the part of business that guarantees the revenue.  For me, however, the first time guests who come and based on their satisfying experiences, tell others about it, are the most challenging tables and the ones I fancy the most.  It's a constant learning cycle, and it wakens the various personalities that each server possesses, and gives them the chance to express everything necessary to accommodate the table's needs and deliver the best service based on their judgement of the table.  No other job has similar connections, not on an average of 90 minutes.


I truly enjoy serving.  I think it's crazy half the time, but it allows me to talk about two things that are very dear to me:  food and wine.  I grew up eating and licking my plate - I was a "seconds, please" girl for a long time.  As I grew older - my developing interest in wine brought me to a place that exposed me to wine at great lengths and for that, I am ever grateful.  It is only through serving that I can talk with others about my passion for both things.  It's reason #12 why I love what I do.

hidden chances

coming up with a rhyme
when I don't have time
ticking at the minutes
as the moments finish
how critical this chance
as I sit in this trance
the roads pass me silently
thoughts fly violently
afraid to peek in and try
my mind feeding me lies
yesterday gone to the vault
no one but me at fault
time to bust out the soul
buried under brick coals
good news is they're warm
intact and all in its form
handle with care gently
don't falter this crime
I haven't got the time
it's not too late to try
take a breathe, go far and never look back

Treading waters

I landed on a cloud

slipping fingers, silky waves

my mind wanders, where did I fall from

what steps lay ahead, abound

will be I found

troubled

I flipped through the pages, act two

A pen-filled book and I, alone

a vacant room, what to assume

I search for answers, attention span trails

all that surround me

blank walls exist

confused

Final debut, an empty stage

New ballet pointe shoes, perfectly tied

A constant passing dream, unfolding slowly

I complete my set by memory

foolishly, reality evolves around me

Treading waters suddenly

breathless

Wine prescriptions

Don't get mad, just drink wine.  That's the advice I've been giving myself lately.  As a result, I found that there is a light at the end of this tunnel and that is discovering in the midst of all things crazy, wine and words are soothing prescriptions.


I opened two wines this past week that I had been keeping for a year's time.  Both whites as white wines do not usually last in my home.  The first one was Giovanni Almondo Roero Arneis 2007.  It was still drinking beautifully, but I'm not surprised.  Most individuals don't understand the capability Italian whites have, specifically those from the north, to age gracefully.  Bartlett pear flesh, almond skin and a touch of herbs.  Lemon skin and minerality arising on the finish.  So food friendly, juicy palate and an upfront racy character.  I was so sad when the bottle finished, but I will hold on to its tasting memories delicately, remembering that Alfredo Currado so dutifully deserves the title "Father of Arneis" and thanking him daily for resurrecting the variety.


The second wine was from the Kremstal subregion, located east to the more commonly known Wachau subregion, both located in the Niederosterreich region, also known as Lower Austria.  I have had many different styles from the Wachau, both Gruner Veltliner and Riesling varietals combined, but I have not had many Rieslings from the Kremstal DAC and its microclimate personality was truly unique.  The 2009 vintage is lean, more restrained, muted fruits that mingled between lemon rind, underripe apricot flesh, and yellow apple skin. Tart nuances, yet soft acidity balanced with the stony and mineral tones that I would expect from Austrian Rieslings.  Weingut Stift Gottweig is the producer, Gottweiger Berg refers to its vineyard site noting its proximity to woodsy land.  A dry wine that could have been aged a bit, but sometimes the occasion is much more needed than the desire to wait for vintage consumption.


I am contemplating the wine of choice for the weekend's end, my day off.  Maybe if the weather stays as is, I'll finally dust off the red wines and consider one of their own for a change.  Then again, maybe not.

Misunderstood

how often it comes
when the heart tightens
and the load becomes heavy
my mind wanders the open plains
searching for answers that are impossible to find
I have learned more most recently
than in five years' time
these troubles never cease
the wonder of man
misunderstood


was taken to a secret garden
where my troubles faded temporarily
the running waters mesmerized me
I saw the silver lining on the clouds
blue skies peeked abound
I entrusted my hidden treasures with confidence
then as quickly as it came, it went
how gullible the intention
the wonder of man
misunderstood